Baton of Hope

When I endured life-threatening and life-altering burns at the age of 14, my life could have taken a much darker path. When you find yourself fighting for your life – and then fighting to regain your independence and dignity, you think about all your options. Certainly, at the time, I faced a very bleak immediate future. Did I ever think that suicide was a way out? Yes I did. Did I ever get close to acting on these feelings? No, I didn’t.

I’ve been one of the fortunate people who has managed to find great meaning from trauma but I am more than aware that many feel like they have no choice but to opt out of life. So when I was invited to join the organising committee for the Brighton leg of Baton of Hope - the UK’s biggest ever suicide precention initiative - I jumped at the chance to get involved. At the time, I knew little about suicide and the stats that I became all too familiar with over the next few months were deeply shocking - 115 people die by suicide every single week in the UK and the vast majority – 75% – are men.

I had no idea at the time that Baton of Hope would be so fully time-consuming and absorbing but, not only did it introduce me to the most wonderful people, it also opened my eyes (wider) to how many people out there are suffering. Baton of Hope cemented my convictions that I was following the right path in life.

Baton of Hope

Early in 2023, I had just gotten back from a three-week road trip in my campervan around Ireland and was freshly free from a five half year journey as an entrepreneur. For the first time in a long time, I had no business partners, no staff, no clients or sales targets or cash flow forecasts to worry about. I had a story and an open road ahead of me - but where to go from here? 

While I was mulling over all my options, I bumped into mental health trainer Sam Thomson at a business breakfast event. It took Sam all of four minutes to convince me to join her on the organising committee for the Brighton leg of the Baton of Hope initiative. Little did I know I was about to join the best team I’ve ever been a part of, led by the extraordinary Rose Rowkins, and including the brilliant Hema Patel, Lauren Carvalho and later, Iain Riddel. 

The initial “one-day-a-week” commitment soon became five days a week but we all knew that Baton of Hope Brighton – the penultimate stop on the Baton of Hope’s journey to London –  really had huge potential to get a lot of people fully behind the initiative. The goal - both then and now - is to get the national figure of 6,000 UK suicides a year down to zero. 

In this blog post, I am focusing primarily on what Baton of Hope gave back to me personally but you can read lots more about the Batton of Hope initiative here and/or watch an award-winning film we made (which I produced) about the Brighton leg here.

The event

Brighton’s Baton of Hope took place on July 5, 2023 and involved 90 baton-bearers - all of whom had a direct connection with suicide – progressing through the city. Throughout the day, the baton-bearers were passing the baton from one to the other. Co-ordinating this obviously involved a lot of preparation and  was also the most emotional element of a very emotional day. At various intervals along the route, we hosted events  - from a ticketed business breakfast and a meeting with Norman “Fatboy Slim” Cook at his beachfront cafe – to talks, community meet-ups and much more. 

The day culminated  in an event at the Brighton Dome, one of the city’s most prestigious venues,  where speakers and performers communicated the importance of connection, community, survival and - above all - hope. 

I had given a brief talk earlier in the day at the Platform9 co-working space but the big one was the Dome. It was the first time that I had addressed such a large audience to talk about what had happened to me. Hundreds of people were sitting in this huge auditorium and It was daunting to realise that  all were hearing me share some of my most raw and intimate thoughts. 

Many people commented afterwards on how brave I was, but in my mind, the talk at the Dome was the easy bit. The hard work had been done over the course of the last 30 years, this bit I was able to enjoy for myself. 

I was buzzing when I walked off the stage – a proper natural high flowing through my body. The praise I received afterwards was a nice reward but I was most grateful because it helped me pin down exactly what I should be doing next. 

Before Baton of Hope, I had lots of ideas and plans - writing a book, starting a podcast, working on a documentary. But through my Baton of Hope experience, I realised that speaking should come before all of that and should be the key medium of communication to share my story and my philosophy on how to love your life.

Conclusion

One of the biggest privileges when it comes to my own mental wellbeing is that I wear my trauma on the outside and hence, I’ve never had to make the first step in communicating that. Most don’t have that privilege and taking the first step is the hardest. This is often especially true of those whose depression or trauma-related experience makes them feel suicidal. All too frequently, people’s suicidal ideations are invisible to those around them. Only a quarter of those who seek help are men – despite men being at far larger risk of taking their own lives. 

Baton of Hope is all about hope and hope is also the bedrock of my own story. I learned so much from being part of the Baton of Hope initiative and I thank Sam and the team from the bottom of my heart for giving me the opportunity to get involved. Taking part in Baton of Hope clarified my vision – and gave me the confidence to embark on the next chapter of my life.